"i wanna be up there..."
Timothée Chalamet, the pursuit of greatness, and i get the hype now (sorry not sorry)
“I know we're in a subjective business, but the truth is, I'm really in pursuit of greatness. I know people don't usually talk like that, but I wanna be one of the greats, I'm inspired by the greats. I'm inspired by the greats here tonight. I'm as inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis, Marlon Brando and Viola Davis as I am by Michael Jordan and Michael Phelps. And I wanna be up there,” said actor Timothée Chalamet at last month’s SAG Awards while accepting the award for Best Male Actor, making him the youngest recipient of the award in history.
Surprisingly, given the internet’s history of instant cancellation and unnecessary backlash, he received a lot of praise for this speech. So, maybe the world is healing (wrong). Hearing the young actor proclaim this to his peers - from Ralph Fiennes to Sheryl Lee Ralph and Jane Fonda - felt so reassuring.
This runs the risk of feeling like a confessional, but whatever, my digital footprint is goofy enough (could be worse, honestly). Since graduating with my fashion journalism degree, I have toed a fine line between aspiring after a career path that doesn’t feel like it wanted me and considering all other options.
Today, I had an interview for a job I feel wholeheartedly capable of — but feel like I fumbled it. [UPDATE: I made it to the final two and didn’t get the job💔] “I wasn’t me. I wasn’t As,” I cried to my dad on the phone. “I have worked so hard, not even for someone to take a chance on me, but for someone to believe in my potential enough to give me a stepping stone to where I want to go,” I also cried to my mum. On the phone, even though she was upstairs xxx. The truth is, I didn’t have the aspiration to be a fashion journalist for nothing; I believe in the power of words (writing as a whole) and, perhaps even more so, in the magic of fashion. It’s something I’ve always itched to do, and instead, I minimised that aspiration by saying, ‘I just want to experience one fashion week, and then I’ll retire,’ girl NO. You’re lying. I sat in that interview when they asked me where I envisioned myself within the next five years and stumbled over my words when the picture - the truth - of what I wanted to be and do couldn’t be clearer.
A journalist? Yes. An author? Ultimately. An editorial director? In short. But all somehow tied to fashion. Pretty please. That, and I also want to be an entrepreneur. Not the glorified version that Steven Bartlett overcompensates for, but something that allows me to be committed to growing something truly purposeful and impactful — and championing others. My dream role is one I can only make/create for myself: a full-time storyteller and personal (mostly professional) hype woman.
Frankly, I’d love to do the circuit every season, get lost in 15 minutes (give or take) of performance, fantasy and anything from chiffon to silk twice a year, and rub shoulders with the editors and writers that I’ve grown up admiring, and whose words I spent so long analysing; having conversations with budding and established designers as we pick their brains for gems of wisdom and goodness about their creative process; testing the bounty of my wardrobe by playing dress-up while subtly tailoring it to the show I’m about to attend — it’s a lot of fluff and faff for a week. Still, it’s never one I’ve not wanted to embrace.
However, the industry looks (largely) different. A quick revisit to Launchmetrics and some cross-checking on Diary Directory of Fashion/Beauty Monitor for an hour will reveal how out of knowing you are with today’s mastheads. The roles and the people allocated to them are ever-changing. And though I don’t doubt at all that each individual worked incredibly hard to get there, there are undoubtedly some who had to work even harder, and sadly, they are finite.
Making ‘it’ work started to become a little oxymoronic…contradictory — because I realised I wanted to work (work, work, work to the tune of Work by Rihanna), but I also wanted stability and security. Many mentors gently warned (but encouraged) me that that was a mammoth ask for a career in fashion journalism, especially.
“You may never know what role is actually meant for you,” said Miss Shanti. And in my mind, as I mentioned earlier, I’ve always envisioned creating my own role for myself — what I find difficult currently is brand alignment. It’s not that there aren’t many brands or businesses I’d love to contribute to, but a year and a half spent working for yourself with purposeful brands tightens the direction you want to head in. I can’t sell out nor sell my soul for vanity or superficiality; in everything I do, I want to nurture hidden stories, unsung heroes, and talents yet to be praised.
That said, the fashion editor role is a dying breed — or at least the glamour we frequently recognise it for. Emma Hope Allwood, formerly fashion editor at Dazed and current brand lead at Marc Jacobs, recently spoke on her TikTok about how dire the state of the role is. Actually, now she’s pivoting into the founder role. “Journalists are in service of truth and fashion writers are in service of fashion writers,” she says, giggling but she’s not wrong, particularly in this climate. In another video, titled ‘the dream of a fashion magazine job is over’, she says: “I was one of the lucky ones with a salaried job, and a lot of my friends didn’t have that. Today, the industry is in an even worse place - the amount of jobs has dwindled, the amount of magazines have dwindled. Pretty much everyone I know who works in fashion magazines has been made redundant and laid off at some point. It is not an easy environment. My financial situation changed overnight when I left magazines…I, literally, immediately started earning more money working with brands,” she said, also explaining how a 2-day-a-week job at a brand gave her more money than a full-time salary at a magazine. Times have changed, and if you have any aspiration of being a (paid) fashion writer, it seems we’ll have to move with it. In full transparency, I don’t suspect that out of university, I was earning similarly to what Emma was earning. Still, I can say that working two jobs for a total of 3 days a week helped me earn above the quoted or expected graduate salary for a creative (most of the time). The grain has shifted, and to reap the most benefits of it, we have to shift accordingly.
To get from inception to execution is an accomplishment that we often rush over celebrating in our chasing of the next. When you apply for a job and make it to the final round, celebrate it — you’ve come a long way from just being a CV. When you’re in an exam, and you’re writing past the point of an aching hand, perhaps one cursive letter away from temporary paralysis but finished your answer, celebrate it. To embark on a journey, get lost a little in the way, but be so determined to reach the end of the trail, enduring so many different conditions and temperaments, surprises and disappointments, is something worth celebrating. To simply start something and finish it is worthy of celebrating. That or I love an excuse to have a glass with the girls and treat myself to a Hummingbird Bakery cupcake.
I think it’s time we all start being a bit more unabashed in our ambition. Sometimes, rather than hiding behind my journal or even LinkedIn, I want to post on my Instagram story how skilled, ready and willing I am. It’s not shameful to go after what you want — people are cutting sharper corners and doing more sinister things to do roles they’re not qualified for. Your politeness is necessary, but that doesn’t mean shying away from the route we’re destined for.
So, I guess this is also my way of saying that while I have no clue what happens next, I will be using this as a medium to channel some more of that fashion journalism degree that I refuse to let go to waste :) But also, I’ve allowed myself to stay in the shadows of others doing great things that I’m just as equipped to do - and conquer. I’m talking about celebrating more young emerging talent doing wonderful things within their respective industries, providing insight into internet discourse or cultural moments, and taking some trips down fashion’s long memory lane — but as the journalist I know I can be. I’m always going to be a writer, duh. So, feel free to tap in or tap out as you wish, but I’d *really* love for you to stay. I promise it’ll still be fun…just less sappy…for a while.1
This is me cementing that, like Mr Chalamet, “I’m gonna be up there”, wherever that is, but by my own standards, and I’m extremely excited to bring as many people as I can up with me.
How blessed am I?
But also, if you like this, then let me know and I’m sure I can work something out xxx
Thank god! As I was reading this I was screaming internally “then write about fashion!”. Can’t wait to read more in this new direction
You’re literally a literary genius 💙
Thank you!! Thank YOU!!